on becoming a mother

Becoming a mom has been anything but what I thought it would be. When used to think of pregnancy, I have never thought it would be as hard or worrisome like it has been.  Like how pregnancy is so hard on your body or at least it is for me. So far I broke my back tooth which the dentist was unable to save and it was pulled, leaving me with two weeks of painful dry socket (and I’m not a smoker). But even worse that, I was recently diagnosed with gallstones after a few stints at the hospital with agonizing pain in my right side. All of course accompanied by more pain medication, and antibiotics than I would have liked. That of course is the exact opposite of how I had envisioned having my first child. 

What has been the hardest is to mentally prepare for this massive life change. I have always thought that becoming a mom for the first time would be something magical, that I would be exactly the person I wanted to be and that I would be able to give my child every part of me and more. The truth is, maybe your never 100% ready because for the most part your never 100% who you want to be either. Your never quite satisfied with yourself I think. 

While I was reading one of my favourite writers Natalie Jean, I came across this post she made about Motherhood.
She wrote “Because there is never a good time for a baby. So if you sit down and try to find the perfect time for a baby, the baby will never come. Because there is never a good time. So you just go for it. Right? Because all times are right times when all times are wrong times.”. Her ability to turn simple thoughts to words with such truth is my favorite. 

As I sit on the couch writing on this Sunday evening, while I stuff my pregnant self with a generous serving of brownies I just made. I can’t help but to think, "Sometimes life is such a beautiful mess, and you just have to say yes to the beautiful catastrophe”. 

What perfect way that is to describe what having a baby is actually like. 

More to come! because I really just want to have fun writing while I'm pregnant and sitting at home.


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